What it takes
by KLikestoReadBooks
Summary: She's already starting to shut the door, when you speak, "Wait." Your voice cracks on that one word and you curse yourself for it. "Please."
1. Chapter 1

You want to take your words back, but you said them so long ago. You want to call out her name, but you're too afraid. You're afraid of the inevitable rejection that is sure to come. You can't erase what you've done, you can't go back no matter how much you want to. You can try to earn back their trust, but you know it's an uphill battle.

You see her walking up the steps into her small house, holding the little boy's hand and nodding attentively as he chatters on and on about his day. Oh how you've missed them. There hasn't been a day that's gone by where you haven't thought about all of the things in their life you're missing out on. She laughs at something the boy says, and disappears inside.

You slowly walk up to her door, gathering your courage and trying to keep a cool head. _It's been five years,_ you reason with yourself, _I know she won't have forgiven me, but she'll at least talk to me._

As you're about to knock, the fight that ended everything comes back to you. You were in a whirlwind of anger and fear, you had never known before. You screamed all kinds of profanities at her while she begged you to _listen, please, it's not what you think._ And it wasn't. It hadn't been what you had thought at all.

At the time, however, you were too angry to listen. Her pleading only made you more upset. You worked yourself into a fit. Your doubts and insecurities surrounded you, blinded you from your sense so you panicked and transformed them into senseless fury.

And suddenly, everything was quiet. She stopped and stared, a look of horror on her face. You tried to help her pick up the pieces of what you had broken, but she refused to let you touch her, or even come near her. You apologized in thousand ways that night. She ignored you. You were on your knees, splaying your soul. She didn't spare you a second glance, just kept packing her suitcase.

You shake your head, to rid yourself of that awful night. You use the last of your nerve to knock.

The first thing you notice about her when she opens the door are her striking green eyes. The second thing you notice is that her smile drops as soon as she sees you. She's already starting to shut the door, when you speak, "Wait." Your voice cracks on that one word and you curse yourself for it. "Please."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1:

 _5 Years Ago_

Clarissa Morgenstern was not afraid of anything. As a child, she never feared monsters under her bed. She wasn't afraid to tell her brother off when he made the conscious decision of being a colossal idiot. She hadn't even felt fear when she was stuck at the top of a rickety old ferris wheel for over an hour, Clarissa Morgenstern was not afraid of anything.

Except for the first day of school.

They were new to town, her and her brother. They had moved all the way from the Big Apple to the midwest. Just the two of them. She was okay with that. She was glad to get away.  
She was not glad, however, that she was starting in a new school her senior year. Despite Principal Garroway's many promises of a perfect preppy school filled with wonderfully warm and welcoming children, Clarissa still had her doubts. School was school. It didn't matter where one went, it was all relatively the same.  
She only hoped she would be able to make one friend by the end of the year.

Clarissa did her best to conceal her panic when she pulled up to the parking lot with her brother. Jonathan didn't need to know just how terrified she was of walking into that school all by herself. It would be the first year she didn't have her brother there with her.  
"Have a good day, sissy." His smile was bright. He was happier than she had seen him in a long time.

She couldn't help but return his grin. "I will Jon. I'll see you after school."  
He shook his head and mumbled, "My baby sister, a senior." He looked at her feigning horror, "I must be getting old!" Clarissa laughed and hopped out of the car, her brother's last joke giving her the confidence she needed to begin her day. She waved as he drove off, leaving her alone to face the horror of high school. She took a deep breath. She could do this. She was finally free.

Walking into the main office she reminded herself. There was nothing to be afraid of. Clarissa smiled at the wrinkled old secretary. Did her best to sound confident, "Hello, I'm new here. I was wondering if…"  
The secretary cut her off. "Oh you must want your schedule, dear. Let me get it for you, and then I'll find someone to show you to your classes. The kids here really are quite friendly," the old lady paused for a moment, "what's your name, dear?"  
"Clarissa Morgenstern."  
The secretary's eyes widened. "Oh, yes. Principal Garroway told me to expect you. Welcome to Hamilton High school-here's your schedule dear. Good luck."  
Clarissa thanked the woman and went to find her way to Science class with Mrs. Mckinley. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy.

Clumsy Clarissa, her mother used to call her. Always going the wrong way. Always running into doors and tripping over herself. She couldn't find the way around the back of her hand. Her brother would laugh and gently push her over. Her mother shaking her head in silent laughter. Her father pretending to be angry.

Clarissa was literally knocked out of the memory when she collided with a chest. Her books fell to the ground. She didn't make eye contact as she mumbled a sorry and bent down to pick them up.

"What's wrong? Can't watch where you are going?" The boy she ran into sneered. She took a good look at him. His hair was just a shade darker than her brother's practically white hair. He was tall. Taller than her at least. She did not appreciate his hostility.

"Something like that. It's a little hard to pay attention when you're blinded by wild asshole's running through the hallway," Clarissa retorted, keeping a straight face and looking him directly in his eyes. They were golden, she noticed, just like his hair, just like the sunset at the end of a summer day.

He laughed then. A melodic sound that was not unpleasant to her ears. "I guess that would be a problem. Ratboy over there can be quite a problem." He gestured toward a tall boy with dark hair and nerdy-looking glasses. 'Ratboy' as the boy referred to her, looked at them. Shook his head. Contemplated for a moment. Decided to join the conversation. Tried to look threatening.

"Is this guy bothering you?"

"What are you going to do about it, Ratboy?" They were standing chest to chest, glaring at each other. Clarissa sighed. She had seen her share of fights back in New York. She didn't care for them much. Living with an older brother had taught her that much.

"Listen," she spoke, stepping in between them, "I'm new here and I would really appreciate it if one of you could show me to Mrs. Mckinley's Science class?"

Ratboy (she still didn't know his name) spoke first. "Of course." He stepped away from the boy she had run into. "I have her first period, too. My name is Simon."  
"Thanks," Clarissa smiled. She did not want to give her name up just yet. She looked at the boy with the blonde hair, "See you around."  
He smirked and shot her a wink. "You know you will."  
Clarissa shook her head. "Take me to Science class, please, Simon."

She was Clarissa Morgenstern.

Clarissa Morgenstern was not afraid of anything.

That was the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2:

The next time Clarissa Morgenstern had interaction with the blonde boy was a few weeks after their first meeting. It certainly wasn't by choice. Jace (Simon had told her his name) was in a few of her classes. English, History, and (much to her disappointment) art. Despite this, her and Jace had done a decent job at avoiding each other, and both had a mutual talent of ignoring each other.

At least until they were partnered up for their Art assignment.

"Interview your partner," Mrs. Birmingham had ordered, "and find a way to represent them." When the class had groaned, the young art teacher had just grinned and added, "I want it to be creative."

As if that wasn't the most cliche art line ever heard.

So then Clarissa and Jace had begrudgingly set up a time to meet after school, because Mrs. Birmingham _really_ wanted them to get to know each other _really really well._ Clarissa hated it. She hated the way he smirked when she went up to him after class to set up a time. She hated the way he acted as though everything she said was suggesting something she definetly, _definetly_ did not want to do. They were meeting in a Java Jones that was close to her and Jon's house at four o'clock. On the dot. No excuses.

Simon was just as upset as she was. "This is ridiculous," he pronounced as they were walking home, "absolutely ridiculous!"  
"Simon," Clarissa laughed at his melodramatic hand gestures and facial expressions, "it's bad, but it's not that bad. Honestly, it's not like it's going to be hard to find something to represent him."  
Simon side-eyed her. "Oh, really. You think so?" His tone was clearly disbelieving.

Clarissa nodded, her face serious. "Yeah. I mean, I already know what I'm going to draw."  
"Do share, Ms. Morgenstern, what your plans are."  
She bit her lip, trying to hide a grin. "A golden donkey."  
There was a terse silence as she waited for Simon to put two and two together. She watched as his brows raised in shock, then came together in confusion. His eyes squinted together when he thought hard about something, Clarissa noticed. Finally, he laughed. "Nice one, Morgenstern."  
"Took you long enough, Lewis."  
He shook his head. By this point they had made it to her small house. Simon looked at the garden gnomes had placed in their front yard earlier. To make the empty house seem more homely. More normal. "Say, Clary, would you like to come to a poetry reading later tonight?" When he saw her raised eyebrows, Simon panicked. "I mean, not my poetry. My friend Eric's. I'm not a poetry person, I mean, unless you're into that kind of thing..."  
No one had ever called her Clary.

No one had ever invited her anywhere.

She liked it.  
Clary fidgeted on the sidewalk. Wrung her hands together. "Simon I would love to," His face lit up, "but maybe another night? I have to meet Jace later, and then I promised my brother I would have dinner with him tonight." She could feel the disappointment rolling off of him as his face deflated. Clary did feel bad, but there really was no getting around her previously made plans.  
But this was Simon. And Simon recovered nicely.

"Of course!" He smiled, "That would be great. I'll see you later, Clary!"

Clarissa waved him off and couldn't help but grin back at him as he walked away. His excitement was contagious.

She took a deep breath and walked through the door into her house. "Jon?" She called out. Her voice echoed in the tiny entryway. The house that she and Jon lived in was tiny. There was one main floor with a small kitchen, a living room, and two bedrooms, and there was a basement. It was the closest thing to 'home' she had come to in a long time. "Jon?" She yelled out again. Clarissa wanted to tell her brother where she was going and… it didn't matter. He wasn't home. She would see him for dinner. Clarissa scribbled a note, telling Jon she was going to Java Jones, and that she would be home in time for dinner. God, she hoped he would be too.

Since it was only three o'clock, and it only took her fifteen minutes to walk to Java Jones, Clary decided to work on her homework. She started with English, since that was her easiest subject, she read and understand easily.

Math was another story.

In English, they were reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , one of Clary's absolute favorite books. She had read it already so many times she could practically quote the book from memory. The worksheet her English teacher assigned was effortless to complete. By the time she was done, it was time to leave.  
She got to Java Jones five minutes early.  
Jace got there fifteen minutes late.  
He didn't even apologize.

"Let's get started, shall we?" He grinned and sloppily spread his stuff all over the table, clumsily knocking Clary's sketchbook to the ground.

"We," she seethed, her voice sharp and threatening, "were supposed to get started fifteen minutes ago."  
"Sorry about that." His face was blank. He was totally unapologetic.  
Clarissa shook her head. It wasn't worth fighting about. She could get over it. "Whatever," her voice was still annoyed, "ask the first question."  
Jace smirked. "Alright," he pulled out the question sheet Mrs. Birmingham had given them. "What," he drew his words out slowly, slow and painful, making her feel stupid, "is your favorite color."  
Clarissa sighed in relief. This wasn't too personal, thank God. "As an artist, I don't have a favorite color. What about you?"

Jace appeared to be thoughtful for a moment. Then he leaned in real close, so she could feel his breath fanning her face, "Green."

Gold, Clarissa thought, but your eyes are gold.  
She didn't like the close proximity. "Interesting," Clarissa murmured awkwardly leaning away and writing down his answer, "next question?"  
Jace looked down. Spoke slowly again. "Would you rather visit Europe or Mexico? Why?"  
 _As if I could ever travel._

This was hardly a question at all. "Europe. The art there breathtaking. Besides, my father was from Sweden." Had she really just said that? She sounded stupid.

"Well I would go to Mexico," Jace disagreed, "I heard the parties there are awesome."  
Despite herself, Clary shook her head and laughed. His answer was just so… sarcastically _stupid._ Jace smiled back at her. "What's the next question?"

And so it went. They answered the questions. Some of his answers made her laugh. Some of them were so incredibly shallow that they pissed Clarissa off. It wasn't terrible.

Until it was.  
Looking down at the sheet, his laughing eyes darkened and his expression sobered. "Which parent do you admire most and why?"

Clarissa swallowed nervously. Cleared her throat. She didn't know how to answer this. "Maybe you should answer first," she laughed nervously, "I need to think about this for a minute."

Jace's golden eyes dimmed even more. "What?" He laughed harshly, "You can't decide between lawyer mommy, and Doctor Daddy?" How had he come to the assumption that she was rich?  
He didn't understand.  
He was a jerk.

She wouldn't tell him anything.

"I guess," Jace sighed, "I admired my Dad more. My mom died before I could know her, and when my dad was alive he taught me things. What it meant to be a man."  
Clarissa wrote down his answer and tried not to roll her eyes at how cheesy his answer sounded. She looked at the time. Six o'clock. Time to head home. Packed up her stuff.  
"Wait," Jace spoke up as she was about to leave, "you have to answer the question."  
She didn't have to answer anything.  
"I signed up for art, Herondale, not interrogation class. We can finish later. I need to get home. See you around."  
Clarissa left without another word. She ignored his protests, his questions.

She was good at ignoring people.

Even after they spoke again.

Eventually…

She would ignore him for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

It turned out that Clary and Jace were about as good at ignoring awkward moments as they were at ignoring each other. That is to say, they were really good at pretending that moment at the coffee shop had never happened. Jace, in particular, was good at pretending that he didn't notice how evasive Clarissa was of his questions.

Understanding Clarissa Morgenstern was a challenge.

Challenge accepted.

* * *

"Okay, okay, this is a hard one." His voice was dead serious. There was a scratchy tone to it, that made him sound slightly nervous. Clarissa took a deep breath. Prepared herself to come up with an answer. Their eyes met. "What," he drawled, making her more nervous, "is your favorite animal?" His voice remained even but his mouth morphed into a smirk and his golden eyes were laughing at her.

"I hate you." She glared at him. Clarissa couldn't stand him when he was like this.

Jace grinned. "Now who could hate this face?"

"Me." She deadpanned.

His face sobered a bit, and he feigned a pained expression. "Oh, how you wound me. Now please, answer the question. I can't take the suspense any longer."

Clarissa rolled her eyes. "A fox."

Jace snorted and wrote her answer down. She wondered what he found oh so amusing this time. "Why because it's hair is the same color as yours?"

She smiled sweetly at him. She retorted in a high-pitch frilly voice. "No, silly. It's because they have long bushy tails, and they can sneak around." He laughed harder at that. "Especially," Clarissa voice took on a slightly darker tone, "when they want to rip someone's throat out." She bared her teeth at him and tried not to laugh when he unconsciously scooted away from her. Go She looked at her phone. Six o'clock. Time to meet her brother for dinner. "Listen, I…"

"You have to go. I know." Jace shook his head. "Are we ever going to get this project done? Because, no offense, I have better things to do than spend time with the new girl," his hands made air quotes in the air, " 'getting to know her.' I have other places to be."

She should have known. Simon had warned her. "I have to have dinner with my brother," despite her best attempts, her voice didn't remain steady. "Maybe," she glared at him, "since you are so… eager to finish, we can have lunch tomorrow to get this over with as soon as possible."

Clarissa didn't give him a chance to reply. She only stormed out of Java Jones, refusing to look back. She didn't see the look on his face.

She didn't see that she was giving him exactly what he wanted.

"How was your day at school?" Jon asked with a grin as soon as she walked into the house.

She rolled her eyes, shrugged. "Fine."

Jonathan's green eyes were laughing. "Just fine? Tell me more. Where's the detail? The drama?"

Clarissa couldn't help the snort that escaped her. "You're so stupid sometimes." She smiled at him good naturedly to let him know that she was kidding. "Where's my food?"

"Aww," he grinned at her and served some spaghetti on her plate, "so that's why you keep me around." Clarissa noticed how much happier her brother had been since they had moved. She loved how they could banter and tease each other. Sometimes, she would catch Jon looking at her and smiling for no reason. It was never like that before.

They both began to feast on their spaghetti, sitting across from each other on their small kitchen table. "This is delicious, Jon." Clarissa complimented, trying to keep a straight face when she noticed half of his face was painted with spaghetti sauce.

"I know. I slaved all day, just to make sure your taste buds were satisfied. It isn't as if we haven't had spaghetti a hundred times over already."

"You know what I meant."

Jon shook his head. And smiled. Again. "Alright, so are you going to tell me where you've been hanging out after school? I'm pretty sure it gets out at three, not six."

"I'm working on an art project." Clarissa hoped he wouldn't press. She knew her brother wouldn't like this.

"And you couldn't work on it at home?" She met his incredulous look.

"It's with a partner." Clarissa grit out. _Please, just let it go._

"Pray tell, who is this partner?" Jon's voice was getting darker.

"Why do you care? It's just a stupid project." She bit back.

His green eyes narrowed, mirroring her own. They were both leaning across the table. "You know why, Clarissa. Now tell me who it is."

She swallowed. Closed her eyes. Prepared herself for the explosion. "Jonathan Herondale."

Jon nearly flipped the table he stood up so quickly. "A boy."

"Yes a boy." God, why did he have to be like this. It's not like she was going to tell him anything. "It's not a big deal Jon, honestly, just calm down."

His fists were clenched together so tight his knuckles were turning white. He took a long deep breath. Clarissa closed her eyes, bracing herself for the explosion that was sure to come. "You're right." _Wait, what?_ Her eyes popped open in surprise, Jon was shaking his head. "You're allowed to make friends and talk to boys Clarissa. That's why we moved here isn't it? To be normal."

Still blinking, she slowly nodded her head. Jon really was getting better at controlling his anger. Clarissa was proud of him. "Yes Jon," she spoke making direct eye contact and smiling, "that's exactly why we came." She tapped her finger to her chin thoughtfully, "That means you should be in high school too."

Their happy moment was gone now, and Jon's voice was laced with warning, "Clarissa, drop it." She knew this was a sore subject for him.

She shook her head. "I'm serious. I mean, Jon, you should get your diploma. You're only a grade ahead of me, you're the smartest person I know, and it wouldn't be that hard to register you." Clarissa knew that Jon would go far with a diploma. She also knew he would take care of her first.

Jon looked down at the floor. "We wouldn't be able to put food on the table. One of us has to have a job, Clarissa."

She ignored the fact that her cheeks were burning from his indirect insult. "So you switch to part time, and I get a part time job too. Easy."

"It would still be tight…"

Clarissa widened her eyes and let her lips sink down on her face. "Please, Jon. You shouldn't miss your senior year, and I really want my older brother there with me. You could even play football. I know we can pull together the money. Please, please, please."

Jon contemplated for a moment, closing his eyes. Clarissa didn't stop staring at him, silently begging him to say yes. She knew he wanted this, so, so badly. He deserved to finish school too, after all that they had been through. The suspense was killing her. Jon opened his eyes but gave nothing away. His face was totally blank, and his voice monotone when he spoke, "Now I'll have even more chances to embarrass you."

Both of their faces broke out into a grin.

The day had gotten just a little bit better.

 **AN: Reviews are very welcome, good or bad, as long as it's constructive criticism. Thank you for reading. Not edited so I apologize for any mistakes that were made.**


	5. Chapter 5

Finding a part time job was easier than expected. Clarissa got a job at local bookstore from a man with sad eyes and a kind smile. The job paid little more than minimum wage, and had flexible hours. Needless to say, Clarissa was very excited.

Getting Jon enrolled hadn't been too hard either. They had the same lunch everyday, and Jon had talked the counselor into giving them the same off period so that they could go home together.

The night before his first day Jon was practically bouncing off the walls. "Just think about it Clary," he exclaimed walking into her room with a big impish grin on his face, "I'm going to get to scare off all your new boyfriends!"

"Jon," she groaned and threw a shirt at him, "I don't have any boyfriends."

"Yet, Clarissa, you are forgetting the most important word: yet." His tone was teasing but his eyes had a serious implication. Clarissa decided to turn the tables.

"It won't matter soon, anyways. You wait Jon," she smirked, "in just a few days I'll get to tell your new girlfriend some _very_ interesting stories. From when we were six."

Jon's face turned red and he glared. "You wouldn't."

"I would."

He sighed in defeat. "Fine, I'll be civil to your boy toys. You happy?"

"I am very, very happy. Do you know why, Jon?"

Jon eyed her suspiciously, clearly expecting some new form of blackmail. "Why?"

Clarissa grinned at him and shouted excitedly, "Because my big brother is coming to school with me tomorrow."

"You're hopeless, little sister." He sat down by her on her bed.

"That's why I have you around isn't it?" Clarissa took Jon's hand.

She had no idea.

* * *

The next day the Morgenstern siblings drove into the parking lot, Jon's hand hesitated over the ignition when they pulled into a parking lot. "Clary," he swallowed, "what if people ask about our parents. What have you been telling them?"

She shrugged. "Just tell them our parents are constantly away on business. They're big corporate lawyers. It'll be fine, Jon, don't worry. You'll make friends, graduate, and we won't see them again. You made sure of that."

Jon turned the car off and took a deep breath. "You're right, Clare-bear, we'll be fine."

Clarissa made a face, "Do me a favor, don't call me that in front of my friends."

He smiled deviously, "Why not? I think it's cute."

They walked into the building and Clarissa nudged him with her elbow, "You nervous or what, big brother?" Jon didn't bother responding, and sent her a glare instead. He tickled her in her side and tried not to smirk when she jumped and shrieked loudly, causing a scene in the hallway. Clarissa was about to tell her brother off when Simon walked up to them.

"Hi Clary," he looked between her and Jon, nervously pushing his glasses up his nose, "how are you doing?"

Jon looked as though he was about to comment on Simon's awkwardness. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Clary interrupted, "Hello, Simon. This is my older brother Jon. He has some trouble transferring in, but he's going to school here now. He's a senior, isn't that great?" She shot Jon a threatening smile, and waved her hands around for emphasis on _how great_ everything was.

"Simon Lewis, nice to meet you." Simon held out his hand to Jon in a formal matter and offered Jon a polite smile.

Jon shook his hand hesitantly, "Nice to meet you."

Sensing the situation was only going to get worse, Clary politely excused herself and Jon, "Well, I better get Jon to his first class. I'll see you later, Simon." She showed Jon to his classroom and made promises to meet up with him at lunch.

* * *

"Where were you at lunch yesterday?" There Jace was, appearing beside her out of nowhere to question Clarissa about her lunch whereabouts during passing period.

"What are you talking about?" She scoffed at him, still annoyed from their last conversation.

Jace looked at her expectantly, "We were supposed to have lunch yesterday, to finish our first art assignment, remember now?"

Clary mentally kicked herself. Now it looked like she blew him off because she was embarrassed from their last encounter. The reality of the situation was that Clary hadn't come to school at all yesterday, except for an hour or so, to register her brother into classes. Still, Clarissa should have found Jace during that time and explained the situation. Clarissa blew her bangs out of her eyes, "Yeah, I remember now. I wasn't even at school yesterday. I should have thought to warn you, sorry."

Jace rolled his eyes at her nonchalant attitude. It was obvious she was trying hard not to freak out about it, what with the blush creeping up her cheeks and the stiffness that had taken over her body the moment she remembered about the lunch she had missed. "It's no big deal, we can just do it today during lunch or something."

Jace brought this up just as the reached their history classroom destination. Clary hesitated, "Actually, I can't today either."

Jace again resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Well why not, Clarissa, what is so important this time." Clarissa noted the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"I promised my brother I would have lunch with him." She huffed indignantly as they each took their seats.

Jace cocked one eyebrow, "The same brother that demanded you be home for dinner?" Clary wished she could raise just one eyebrow.

"Yes, the same one," Clarissa returned defensively, "do you have a problem with that?"

"Oh no, no, no," Jace shook his head in false horror, "I would never want to upset your big brother. I want to meet him. Please tell him not to hurt me." Jace jutted out his lower lip into a pout and widened his eyes in mock desperation. Clarissa wanted to slug him, but instead she thought of something much worse.

"I have a great idea, Jace." Clary grinned and lightly knocked his shoulder. "You can meet Jon at lunch since he goes to school here now. Then we can work on our art project."

The smirk fell from Jace's face and morphed into a look of panic, "You're not serious." Clarissa didn't answer, "you actually have a brother?" Jace looked genuinely disturbed. Clary laughed. Jace continued, "I totally thought you were making that up."

"He's real alright, Jace. I promise he won't hurt you too bad. Besides now we can get our art project done."

Needless to say, Jace did not pay attention during his next class.

 _A challenge indeed, Clarissa Morgenstern, a challenge indeed._

 **A/N: Sorry for the delayed update. As always reviews are welcomed and appreciated, good or bad. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, this was not edited.**


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